Friday, November 30, 2007

Sorry Lance

Exercise: Nothing at all, just waiting for the backside to heal

I finally have myself a bike.

An Avanti Monza road bike – and it looks pretty s hot!

It is sitting at work begging to be taken out for a ride. The only problem is that my ass muscle is still too sore. Luckily my wife is an acupuncturist and has been helping me out. The other day I was in a fair bit of pain and J offered to give me a treatment. After the treatment I felt significantly better, so much so that I felt the need to rave about it to my team

Let me set this up by saying I have a very informal relationship with my team (there are plenty of times I think I am just a little bit to David Brent)

“My bum feels a lot better today it must have been from last night when J put some needles into it”

When I took a closer look at my staff, who had horrified looks on their faces, it dawned on me

Bum Cheek. Bum Cheek. Bum and Cheek, do not just say bum without the cheek

On the weekend I am going lycra shopping. Should be interesting….



Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Another Day Another Injury

Exercise: Monday Boxing (sort off) the rest of the time resting

If nothing else I am an innovator. A forward thinker who is constantly looking for new ways to get injured.

Last week I decided to do a bit of cross training. I was hoping to wear my legs out to recreate the jelly legs feeling you experience (apparently) going from bike to run. I worked out and was feeling fine – slightly jelly but fine. The next day I felt a little bit sore in yet another delicate spot. Not the groin this time but the ass check. Normal smart people would have rested for a couple of days, then eased their way back into it

Not this camper. I went boxing yesterday and managed to strain the life out of it (which caused my back to seize up)

So now I have tweaked my groin and strained my buttock.

In other news it looks I will be picking up my bike tomorrow! An Avanti moza Road bike……

Now I just need to sort out my ass so I can go riding!



Friday, November 23, 2007

Mo Troubles

Exercise: Tuesday 30 Min Bike, Wednesday Boxing, Thursday 12 Minutes Bike + Upper Body Weights, Today Swim

I am big supporter of Movember. Anything that raises mental health awareness has to be good. I wanted to participate, and being a hirsute man I would have grown quite an impressive Mo.

When I mentioned this to my wife (who puts up with a hell of a lot…….like me and this whole triathlon thing) she said that she would donate what ever I thought I could raise to if I did not grow a tash. So whilst I am not actively participating I am a supporter. The other night I meet a friend for a drink during which one of his mates popped in. I quickly noticed he had a nice mo going on. I believe anyone who grows a mo deserves a little bit of credit.

I looked at him, gave a slight smile and said “Movember Hey?’

He looked and me with a blank look. Now because I am an idiot I said again “Movember Hey?” only to be faced with another blank look

Suddenly it dawned on me – he was a guy in his mid to late 20’s growing a Mo for no other reason than he thinks its looks good……

Also when I was swimming this mornings I saw a person do lap after lap swimming backwards using a kick board and flippers



Monday, November 19, 2007

Equipment poor

Exercise: Thursday - Exercise bike 30, Friday – Swim and Weights…and rest all weekend…Today Boxing

I am starting to realise what a significant investment in equipment a triathlon is (simple Simon me is just understanding that you need good equipment for all three legs..)

As per the “Ultimate Training guide” (a mag for Tri People...) I need

Sunscreen - Check I am bald man!

A wetsuit - I have a pair of faded speedo’s

Spare Swim Cap - You need two? I do not even have one

Race Singlet - Does a wife beater count?

Goggles - Check

Bright Towel- If everyone has a bright towel then how does your towel stand out? I am going for a beige towel

Baby Oil - Apparently this is for getting in and out of your wetsuit (and no I do not have any)

Vaseline - I am starting to think I might be reading the wrong kind of list

Bike - Maybe by the end of this week?

Bike - Shoes What do you think?

Bike - Pump I have a foot pump does that count?

Helmet - Check (long story but I do have a helmet..)

Baby Powder - No chance

Running Shoes - I have an old pair which are in desperate need of an upgrade

Sunglasses - Do Aviator sunnys count?

Hat - Check

Spare Safety Pins - I am starting to wonder if this is a tri or a new born child? I mean Baby powder? Safety Pins? Whats next nappies?

Toilet Paper - Now I am scared



Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Speedo’s and Sponsors

Exercise: Monday: Boxing Class, Tuesday (700 Metre Swim 21 Minutes) Today Circuit and Boxing Class

I have finally cracked.

Normally I swim in

1. Big baggy board shorts (the kind with bright floral patterns on them)
2. Speedo’s under them
3. Grey sleeveless rash vest
4. Clear goggles
5. Bright Orange ear plugs

Basically I look like a freak who is only missing floaties and one of those inflatable rings around their hips

Tuesday was another cold and windy morning. I must have still been sleeping but I thought it would be a good idea to go for a swim in Speedo’s sans board shorts. This was the first time I had worn speeds since I was 6 (I am now 30…)

After getting over the shock of diving into a pool wearing a lot less I have to admit I am a convert……how much easier is it to swim in speeds? Sure it looks awful but it makes a huge difference. I promise until I get old and fat I will not wear them to the beach.

In completely unrelated news I might have to change the title of my Blog. I have received my first sponsorship which might allow me to buy some form of bike (is it sponsorship if your dad gives you money?)

Anyone for

“I did not even have bike”



Monday, November 12, 2007

Misguided Priorities

Exercise: Sunday 600 Metre Swim (I really need to step this up)

Every car park has a number 1 spot; it is the spot that is right next door, closest you can get to the entrance that is not a disabled spot.

Sunday was another cold drizzle morning – the kind of day where only idiots (me) and serious swimmers (one day me) go for a swim. As I sat in may car pondering why

I was up at 6:30am on a Sunday morning
I was swimming in the rain…again

I saw two people racing too then getting into an argument over the number 1 car spot at the pool (the argument was along the lines of “I was here first’ versus “No I was”). It was not like there was not a heap of spots around – some almost as close. As I watched the carry on a thought hit me

You are at the pool to exercise. If you are upset at having to walk an extra 10 metres from your car maybe you do not have the right attitude

In land mark occasion when I was doing laps another swimmer offered to swim before them as, and I quote

“You would be too fast for me”

Admittedly she was 70 and wearing a frilly pink swimming cap but it was still an achievement!



Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Something a bit random

Exercise: Tuesday 30 Min on exercise bike + Weights, today Boxing class

Training is humming along with nothing to noteworthy happening (apart form the fact I have exceptionally sore legs from boxing class – figure that one out)

Let me set up this story by saying I do not have any children (I do have cat who is like child but that is a whole other topic)

A couple of months ago my wife and I had just been out for dinner where we had a touch too much wine. Being responsible adults we thought it best to wait for half an hour or so before driving home

Luckily as my wifes mum (Joyce) lived close by we decided to drop in for a quick cup of tea. In a further slice of luck she was not home……… (Sorry Joyce - those of you who know me that I love my mother in law)

As we sat down to enjoy a steaming fresh cup of green tea Jacqui and I heard a panicked woman shouting

“Joyce…Joyceare you home???”

Suddenly a woman popped her head over the fence. After quickly registering that we were not Joyce the woman asked

“is Joyce home?”

I managed to reply that Joyce was not home

The front gate opened with a bang and a heavily pregnant women barrelled her way into the front court yard. In a panicked voice, whilst clutching her swollen stomach, she shouted

“I need to get the hospital NOW

If anything is going to sober you up quickly it is the sight of a extremely pregnant women grabbing her stomach asking you for help

After figuring out which hospital to go to (thankfully it was just down the road) and wedging the pregnant woman struggled into our two door car (have you ever tried to get a pregnant women in / out of bucket seats) we drove to the hospital. After I had dropped her off at the front door and parked the car it hit me

I had no idea what her name was, and no idea what I was meant to do.

I walked sheepishly up to the reception area of the hospital and said

“Hi, I just dropped off my mother in laws neighbour from two doors down. Is she okay?”

The receptionist seemed to have an understanding of what I was talking and said

“go on up to the birthing suite”

Nothing strikes fear into a childless person’s heart like “Go on up to the birthing suite”

I went up a couple of levels to the birthing suite and started looking around for the neighbour. I was soon found by a nurse who ushered me into one of the birthing suites.

Now I always thought that the first baby’s heart beat I would hear would be my own. Alas this was not the case as when I walked into the room my mother in laws neighbour from two doors down was hooked up to the ultrasound machine having her baby scanned.

Luckily the baby was okay and a lull in action allowed me to introduce myself to my mother in laws next door neighbour from two dorrs down. After a couple of minutes the doctor said

“now I am going to have to check if you are dilated”

I have never moved from a room quicker.

While I was in the waiting room I saw another man and a 4 year old child. He looked at me in the eye and proceeded to give me a slow nod of the head, like he was welcoming me to father hood. Talk about awkward….

What could I do? I could not say I am a fraud who is just here to drop off my mother in laws next door neighbour from 2 doors down.

All I could do was nod my head slowly as if I was saying yes I know I am happy to be a father

Luckily soon after that her husband turned up and I was off the hook!



Monday, November 5, 2007

Self Control…

Exercise: Saturday – Swim (600 Metres) & eating my body weight in Chocolate, Sunday – coming down from the sugar high, Today - Boxing

After pretty much eating my body weight in chocolate on Saturday (I had some Mrs Fields cookies and brownies, a “few” M & M’s and a couple of violet crumbles) then paying for it the next day…you know when you can still taste chocolate the following day….I have decided to cut out the chocolate, lollies and cakes for 30 days

That’s right no bad stuff for 30 days! It is time to get the mind in tune for what the body is going to do. It is going to be a challenge – I would kill for something sweet now!

I am also going to try out a new swimming program tomorrow.

Wish me luck!


Friday, November 2, 2007

How did I manage that?

Exercise: Wednesday – Boxing Class, Circuit Class, Thursday – 30 Min Exercise Bike, Today – Rest Day!

In a slight setback I have suffered my first minor injury from training. As you can imagine from someone who has undergone 3 knee operations I have more than a slight predisposition towards getting injured.

After my swim on Tuesday I have pulled up with a slightly sore groin muscle

That’s right a sore groin from swimming…..

What the hell am I doing in the pool? I think I need to get to a swim class fast