A 13 year olds view on Christmas

Exercise: I put a swim and ride together on Monday…..it was tough but I went okay (bad news is the ass cheek is sore again…) otherwise not a lot! I have decided to rest, get the cheek right and really go hard in Jan

I am not an overly religious, Jewish raised, balding, 30 year old wanna be tri-athlete. As you can understand Christmas did not play a large part in my life until I meet my wife 13 years ago. I like to think of myself as being 13 years old this Christmas (as I have only celebrated it 13 times) going through that tough teenage view of Christmas

My experiences of Christmas lead me to believe that it is almost like every Jewish festival – you get together with family and eat too much food. All that said my family / friends have been exceptionally generous this year. Here is a list of some of the things I was given………..see if you can you spot a theme

Bell for my bike
Bike seat
New pair of swimmers (some more lycra) that are also bike pants
Bike light
Tri Mags


One question I have to ask is

Why does the date of Easter move every year but Christmas stays the same?

Cheers (and Merry Merry)

Greg

Once, Twice, Three Times an Uncle

Does eating bad food and drinking count as exercise? (I did do some weights, swiming and a bike ride or two)

Last week I became an Uncle for the third time. I know I am biased but I have the most perfect nieces / nephew. The only problem with having such awesome kids in the family is that it puts a lot of pressure on J and I to produce a good un…here’s hoping if we have a baby it look’s like J!

While I did not exercise on the weekend I did go shopping for some more gear. My current helmet is old, borrowed and sits on my head like a top hat. I found a couple of helmets in my price range and decided to try them on. The geniuses at Rebel (I know what am I doing going to Rebel for bike gear…I was just looking okay…) had no mirrors in the helmet section

Have you ever tried to try on new helmets without a mirror?

Being a resourceful lad I decided to take a photo of myself with my phone. I lined up the angles and pressed the button just at the same time as one of the perky young assistants came up to help me.

The look on his face as my phone made the “camera noise” was one of fear and amazement

Once again I looked like a freak….

Cheers

Greg

If it looks like a duck, sounds like a duck…….

Exercise: Weekend lots of wine tasting and some poor dancing at the Lionel Ritchie concert, Monday Boxing, Tuesday Nuthin, Today Swim and Boxing

If you own a home (or in my case a 2 bedroom unit) in Sydney you have to be on a budget. It goes without saying that when you are on a budget you need to make certain choices on how you spend money.

I was presented with one of those choices last weekend. I was heading up to the Hunter Valley to watch Lionel Ritchie and was faced with the dilemma

Spend money on accommodation or on wine?

Then again I do not think it is much of a dilemma wine V accommodation (wine will always win out)

As a result we were staying just outside of Cessnock. Now Cessnock is famous for a couple of things

Entry Point to the Hunter Valley Wine Country
Cessnock Correctional Facility i.e. Jail

After an especially indulgent Friday I thought it would be a good idea to go for a slow jog. As I settled into my slow Cliff Young shuffle I was asked not once, not twice but three times where the Cessnock Jail was. So I either I

Look like a local (and if you have hung out in Cessnock you will understand why this is an insult – then again I was a touch hung over so would fit right in)

Or I

Look like I have been in Jail

I think I need to rethink my exercise apparel as I must look like a Bogan who has just been released from jail…..

Cheers

Greg

PS Yes that was a picture of my ass last week

A Picture says a 1,000 words....

Exercise: Monday Swim, Tuesday Weights, Wednesday Swim, Today ride…farce…..

They say you never forget how to ride a bike. Well let’s just say my memory was a bit hazy this morning. I woke up at 5am this morning, threw on some lycra, strapped on my helmet and got on the new(ish) bike

I had better stop for a second talk a little about the bike pants.

They have padding.

Down there. Between my legs.

Having trouble visualising this?

Here you go....

It looks like I have had a accident in my pants.

If you add up the Speedo’s and padded lycra shorts there goes what dignity I had left. To finish it i just need to start shaving my legs

So I get on my bike this morning and start to ride. In the past I have always ridden mountain bikes with big thick hummer style tires. Now I was on a road bike with very thin tyres. After a few shaky moments I was off and peddling.

My fairly easy 30 minute circuit and was going okay until I had a man moment. In this man moment I decided to go into the highest gear (i.e. hardest) possible

I got all the way up to the hardest gear and thrashed at it for a minute or two then decide to turn back home and lower the gear. Here’s the thing the gears did not move and I had to ride back home on the highest gear

Hello sore ass cheek.

On a side note I am not training this weekend - off to the hunter valley to Lionel Ritchie…..


Cheers

Greg

PS Yes that photo will haunt you for years......

Sorry Lance

Exercise: Nothing at all, just waiting for the backside to heal

I finally have myself a bike.

An Avanti Monza road bike – and it looks pretty s hot!

It is sitting at work begging to be taken out for a ride. The only problem is that my ass muscle is still too sore. Luckily my wife is an acupuncturist and has been helping me out. The other day I was in a fair bit of pain and J offered to give me a treatment. After the treatment I felt significantly better, so much so that I felt the need to rave about it to my team

Let me set this up by saying I have a very informal relationship with my team (there are plenty of times I think I am just a little bit to David Brent)

“My bum feels a lot better today it must have been from last night when J put some needles into it”

When I took a closer look at my staff, who had horrified looks on their faces, it dawned on me

Bum Cheek. Bum Cheek. Bum and Cheek, do not just say bum without the cheek

On the weekend I am going lycra shopping. Should be interesting….

Cheers

Greg

Another Day Another Injury

Exercise: Monday Boxing (sort off) the rest of the time resting

If nothing else I am an innovator. A forward thinker who is constantly looking for new ways to get injured.

Last week I decided to do a bit of cross training. I was hoping to wear my legs out to recreate the jelly legs feeling you experience (apparently) going from bike to run. I worked out and was feeling fine – slightly jelly but fine. The next day I felt a little bit sore in yet another delicate spot. Not the groin this time but the ass check. Normal smart people would have rested for a couple of days, then eased their way back into it

Not this camper. I went boxing yesterday and managed to strain the life out of it (which caused my back to seize up)

So now I have tweaked my groin and strained my buttock.

In other news it looks I will be picking up my bike tomorrow! An Avanti moza Road bike……

Now I just need to sort out my ass so I can go riding!

Cheers

Greg

Mo Troubles

Exercise: Tuesday 30 Min Bike, Wednesday Boxing, Thursday 12 Minutes Bike + Upper Body Weights, Today Swim

I am big supporter of Movember. Anything that raises mental health awareness has to be good. I wanted to participate, and being a hirsute man I would have grown quite an impressive Mo.

When I mentioned this to my wife (who puts up with a hell of a lot…….like me and this whole triathlon thing) she said that she would donate what ever I thought I could raise to if I did not grow a tash. So whilst I am not actively participating I am a supporter. The other night I meet a friend for a drink during which one of his mates popped in. I quickly noticed he had a nice mo going on. I believe anyone who grows a mo deserves a little bit of credit.

I looked at him, gave a slight smile and said “Movember Hey?’

He looked and me with a blank look. Now because I am an idiot I said again “Movember Hey?” only to be faced with another blank look

Suddenly it dawned on me – he was a guy in his mid to late 20’s growing a Mo for no other reason than he thinks its looks good……

Also when I was swimming this mornings I saw a person do lap after lap swimming backwards using a kick board and flippers

Huh?

Greg

Equipment poor

Exercise: Thursday - Exercise bike 30, Friday – Swim and Weights…and rest all weekend…Today Boxing

I am starting to realise what a significant investment in equipment a triathlon is (simple Simon me is just understanding that you need good equipment for all three legs..)

As per the “Ultimate Training guide” (a mag for Tri People...) I need

Sunscreen - Check I am bald man!

A wetsuit - I have a pair of faded speedo’s

Spare Swim Cap - You need two? I do not even have one

Race Singlet - Does a wife beater count?

Goggles - Check

Bright Towel- If everyone has a bright towel then how does your towel stand out? I am going for a beige towel

Baby Oil - Apparently this is for getting in and out of your wetsuit (and no I do not have any)

Vaseline - I am starting to think I might be reading the wrong kind of list

Bike - Maybe by the end of this week?

Bike - Shoes What do you think?

Bike - Pump I have a foot pump does that count?

Helmet - Check (long story but I do have a helmet..)

Baby Powder - No chance

Running Shoes - I have an old pair which are in desperate need of an upgrade

Sunglasses - Do Aviator sunnys count?

Hat - Check

Spare Safety Pins - I am starting to wonder if this is a tri or a new born child? I mean Baby powder? Safety Pins? Whats next nappies?

Toilet Paper - Now I am scared

Cheers

Greg

Speedo’s and Sponsors

Exercise: Monday: Boxing Class, Tuesday (700 Metre Swim 21 Minutes) Today Circuit and Boxing Class

I have finally cracked.

Normally I swim in

1. Big baggy board shorts (the kind with bright floral patterns on them)
2. Speedo’s under them
3. Grey sleeveless rash vest
4. Clear goggles
5. Bright Orange ear plugs

Basically I look like a freak who is only missing floaties and one of those inflatable rings around their hips

Tuesday was another cold and windy morning. I must have still been sleeping but I thought it would be a good idea to go for a swim in Speedo’s sans board shorts. This was the first time I had worn speeds since I was 6 (I am now 30…)

After getting over the shock of diving into a pool wearing a lot less I have to admit I am a convert……how much easier is it to swim in speeds? Sure it looks awful but it makes a huge difference. I promise until I get old and fat I will not wear them to the beach.

In completely unrelated news I might have to change the title of my Blog. I have received my first sponsorship which might allow me to buy some form of bike (is it sponsorship if your dad gives you money?)

Anyone for

“I did not even have bike”

Cheers

Greg

Misguided Priorities

Exercise: Sunday 600 Metre Swim (I really need to step this up)

Every car park has a number 1 spot; it is the spot that is right next door, closest you can get to the entrance that is not a disabled spot.

Sunday was another cold drizzle morning – the kind of day where only idiots (me) and serious swimmers (one day me) go for a swim. As I sat in may car pondering why

I was up at 6:30am on a Sunday morning
I was swimming in the rain…again


I saw two people racing too then getting into an argument over the number 1 car spot at the pool (the argument was along the lines of “I was here first’ versus “No I was”). It was not like there was not a heap of spots around – some almost as close. As I watched the carry on a thought hit me

You are at the pool to exercise. If you are upset at having to walk an extra 10 metres from your car maybe you do not have the right attitude

In land mark occasion when I was doing laps another swimmer offered to swim before them as, and I quote

“You would be too fast for me”

Admittedly she was 70 and wearing a frilly pink swimming cap but it was still an achievement!

Cheers

Greg

Something a bit random

Exercise: Tuesday 30 Min on exercise bike + Weights, today Boxing class

Training is humming along with nothing to noteworthy happening (apart form the fact I have exceptionally sore legs from boxing class – figure that one out)

Let me set up this story by saying I do not have any children (I do have cat who is like child but that is a whole other topic)

A couple of months ago my wife and I had just been out for dinner where we had a touch too much wine. Being responsible adults we thought it best to wait for half an hour or so before driving home

Luckily as my wifes mum (Joyce) lived close by we decided to drop in for a quick cup of tea. In a further slice of luck she was not home……… (Sorry Joyce - those of you who know me that I love my mother in law)

As we sat down to enjoy a steaming fresh cup of green tea Jacqui and I heard a panicked woman shouting

“Joyce…Joyceare you home???”

Suddenly a woman popped her head over the fence. After quickly registering that we were not Joyce the woman asked

“is Joyce home?”

I managed to reply that Joyce was not home

The front gate opened with a bang and a heavily pregnant women barrelled her way into the front court yard. In a panicked voice, whilst clutching her swollen stomach, she shouted

“I need to get the hospital NOW”

If anything is going to sober you up quickly it is the sight of a extremely pregnant women grabbing her stomach asking you for help

After figuring out which hospital to go to (thankfully it was just down the road) and wedging the pregnant woman struggled into our two door car (have you ever tried to get a pregnant women in / out of bucket seats) we drove to the hospital. After I had dropped her off at the front door and parked the car it hit me

I had no idea what her name was, and no idea what I was meant to do.

I walked sheepishly up to the reception area of the hospital and said

“Hi, I just dropped off my mother in laws neighbour from two doors down. Is she okay?”

The receptionist seemed to have an understanding of what I was talking and said

“go on up to the birthing suite”

Nothing strikes fear into a childless person’s heart like “Go on up to the birthing suite”

I went up a couple of levels to the birthing suite and started looking around for the neighbour. I was soon found by a nurse who ushered me into one of the birthing suites.

Now I always thought that the first baby’s heart beat I would hear would be my own. Alas this was not the case as when I walked into the room my mother in laws neighbour from two doors down was hooked up to the ultrasound machine having her baby scanned.

Luckily the baby was okay and a lull in action allowed me to introduce myself to my mother in laws next door neighbour from two dorrs down. After a couple of minutes the doctor said

“now I am going to have to check if you are dilated”

I have never moved from a room quicker.

While I was in the waiting room I saw another man and a 4 year old child. He looked at me in the eye and proceeded to give me a slow nod of the head, like he was welcoming me to father hood. Talk about awkward….

What could I do? I could not say I am a fraud who is just here to drop off my mother in laws next door neighbour from 2 doors down.

All I could do was nod my head slowly as if I was saying yes I know I am happy to be a father

Luckily soon after that her husband turned up and I was off the hook!

Cheers

Greg

Self Control…

Exercise: Saturday – Swim (600 Metres) & eating my body weight in Chocolate, Sunday – coming down from the sugar high, Today - Boxing

After pretty much eating my body weight in chocolate on Saturday (I had some Mrs Fields cookies and brownies, a “few” M & M’s and a couple of violet crumbles) then paying for it the next day…you know when you can still taste chocolate the following day….I have decided to cut out the chocolate, lollies and cakes for 30 days

That’s right no bad stuff for 30 days! It is time to get the mind in tune for what the body is going to do. It is going to be a challenge – I would kill for something sweet now!

I am also going to try out a new swimming program tomorrow.

Wish me luck!

Greg

How did I manage that?

Exercise: Wednesday – Boxing Class, Circuit Class, Thursday – 30 Min Exercise Bike, Today – Rest Day!

In a slight setback I have suffered my first minor injury from training. As you can imagine from someone who has undergone 3 knee operations I have more than a slight predisposition towards getting injured.

After my swim on Tuesday I have pulled up with a slightly sore groin muscle

That’s right a sore groin from swimming…..

What the hell am I doing in the pool? I think I need to get to a swim class fast

Cheers

Greg

Attention to detail

Exercise: (Boxing Yesterday, 600 Metre Swim Today)

What is the saying? Prior preparation prevents pXXX poor performance?

Well I need to pay more attention to my preparation. From the moment I woke today up my training was a farce. Lowlights were

I forgot to put anything on my feet when I went to the pool (Strike 1)
I forgot to bring a towel (Strike 2)
I failed to put my ear plugs in properly. Hello blocked ear after one lap (Strike 3)
I forgot to bring any food to work (Strike 4 – Can you tell I am Australian without a thorough grasp of baseball)


If I am going to do this thing I need to get these things right - any ideas apart from getting organised?

Cheers

Greg

Swimming in the rain

Exercise: (600 Metre Swim 17 Minutes – and felt pretty good!)

Today I went for a swim in the rain. Funny thing is the pool was pretty dead with about half the people normally there on a Friday

Were people afraid of getting wet?

On a random note I watched "so you think you can dance" last night – man those people can move! If I had my time again maybe less football and more dancing growing up

Cheers

Greg

How could they?

Exercise (600 Metre Swim 18 minutes)

In my swim today I was hit 4 times by other swimmers (twice on the legs, twice on the arms)

It is not like I swim that fast I just appear out of no where.

I am kind of like a truck on a freeway – you can see me in the distance and you know you are going to have to over take me. The tough part is that I am in the slow lane, there are not a lot of places left for me to go!

Back to the fun and splash lane for me....

It is never a good sign……..

Exercise (Boxing Class 50 Min)

…..when you turn up to a boxing class only to be paired up with someone who brings their own gloves (and is massive - i am about five foot 10 / 11 and 73 kilo's this guy is over 6 foot and must be at least 100 K's!). I knew I was in trouble when he crouched down displaying perfect technique stalking me around the gym.

He beat seven shades of you know what out of me.

My only hope was to wait until he got tired to try and get some revenge….considering I can not punch to save my life you can guess the result

Cheers


Greg

Is Cricket Exercise?

Weekend Exercise: Cricket Saturday & Swim Sunday (600 Metres in 17 Min)

I am not sure where I sit on this one. I think cricket can be great exercise if you are good at it however I suck. I scored 4 runs and took 1 wicket…in z grade

At least my swim was better

But in all not a great weekend of exercise although I am very sore today and not looking forward to boxing

Swimming with Flippers

Exercise Today: 600 Metre Swim (about 18 minutes..)

Due to a lack of bike I have decided to focus on swimming. Where I swim there are four “zones” to swim in. There is the

Fast Area: Pretty much dudes in speedo’s and serious women belting up and down the pool
Medium: Almost the same but everyone seems to be hairier
Slow: My New Home
Fun and Splash: This is where I started – it used to be just me and the 7 year olds learning to swim.

Today I was thrashing my way down the slow lane when I felt someone lurking behind me, then overtaking – it was an old man swimming with flippers!

Whats up with that? Why not strap an outboard motor to your back? Whats the point of swimming with flippers? Especially in the slow lane!

Anyone have any ideas???

Cheers

Greg

A Confession

Exercise Today: 30 min jog with 20 sets of stair sprints

I have a couple of confessions

1. I am bald
2. I have competed in a sprint triathlon previously (this was VERY short)

There are 3 benefits to being a bald man.

1. Doing your hair takes next to no time
2. No bad hair days
3. People assume you are a good swimmer

Imagine how upset I was during my previous triathlon to find out swimming cap’s were compulsory

I wonder if I will have to wear one again

One Small Step

Here’s the deal

I am a moderately fit 30 year old married man who works for a marketing company

In a moment of male bravado (clouded by red wine) I committed to doing an Ironman Triathlon within the next two years

For those of you who do not know an Ironman consists of
3.8 Kilometre Swim
180 Kilometre Bike Ride
42K Kilometre Run

Sounds tough hey……..my problem is that at the moment

I can not swim past 100 metres without stopping (or hanging onto the lane rope..)
I do not own a bike
I have had two knee reconstructions as well an arthroscopy

So why am I doing it?

For a couple of reasons

1. To raise money for Beyond Blue and Youth off the Streets
   
2. I grew up watching the Hawaiian Ironman (think Greg Welch etc) and have always dreamed of doing one

I am hoping this blog will help to keep me motivated and help raise some money (feel free to give me some tips...)
Wish me Luck!
Greg